i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
