I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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