You were right. It hurts to walk today.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
