maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
