Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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