My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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