I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
