you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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