So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
