I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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