my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
