i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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