so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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