Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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