Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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