Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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