the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
