a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
