idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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