In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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