Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
