let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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