I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
