please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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