just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
