Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
