i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
