i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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