That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I love how my cats smell like pot.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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