She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Randomize
