This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
