I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
