FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
