Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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