Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
