remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
someone threw a dead crab at me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
