My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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