she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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