Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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