My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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