Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Randomize
