Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
3 2 1 whiskey
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
