the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
