I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
