I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
