Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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