I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
