I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
