I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
