So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
