"it" just moved
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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