Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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