I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
organizing the empties. That sober.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
